gutters and pedestals

My grandson Andrew - - whatta cutie, eh?

I had the opportunity to share my testimony with the elder board / deacons and whoever else comprised the seemingly large gathering of people at my church, as part of the process of petitioning for membership. I love reflecting on and sharing my testimony, each time my gratitude deepens for a different aspect of the Lord's work in my life. As I prepared my thoughts, as is typical when I'm writing about the Lord, the words just flowed from my fingers. I was slightly surprised to see the aspect this preparation included.

When I first got saved, I was one of those people who believed God got off pretty easy with me. You know - - I wasn't in the gutter with addictions and "visible" problems... I actually felt the Lord didn't have much work to do at all to get me "cleaned up and ready for service." That is the blindness of pride. The ignorance of conceit. But I was a baby Christian, and didn't have a clue yet as to how this whole thing works.... As I've gotten to know the Lord and His heart - He has shown me, in doses I could handle, just how filthy and ugly my pride was to Him. As I prepared my testimony this time, I realized how pathetic pride is as well. I reflect back on all those gracious sisters and brothers, who held back reproof from this baby Christian, and instead bathed me in encouragement. God did not cross my path with those sisters in the Lord who seem to have created and appointed themselves to the Office of Official Rebuker. Yet I don't kid myself for a minute by thinking they "didn't notice".

I think of David, when the Lord confronted him for sinning by numbering the troops, and He wanted nothing to do with the Lord using human intervention for his judgement- He preferred the very Hand of God to dole out the punishment he had to endure. Likewise, the Lord didn't use people to correct me, instead He taught me through the Word and His Holy Spirit, and His very hand doling out judgement / consequence. He pitied my condition, and showed compassion to me. The Lord knew what would work better for this babe; I could no sooner receive reproof at that point than I could climb Mt. Everest. Granted being able to receive reproof is critical and important, and the way to wisdom - it just requires a little maturity under your belt to get there.

I believe the arthritis and my recent hand surgery was consequence of my pride - my pride made an idol of music, and literally put me in bondage to perfecting the turn of a phrase..., to the exclusion of many other things that were probably more important in my life. Phantom of the Opera is such a great depiction of this bondage... this slavery... that period of life that wasn't life at all. Part of how the Lord enabled me to see my bondage and my pride was through some very devestating losses. But tearing down idols is not a gentle process - and He began the demolition long before I got saved - the path He used to draw me to Himself was paved with the wreckage of my breaking. And as I look back at some experiences, which at the time were rather traumatic, I see the Hand of God and I overflow with gratitude, thanskgiving, relief. He used the broken fragments of my life to weave together my lifeline. What a wonderful introduction to Romans 8:28. Mercy 101. Grace for Dummies. But once you've been through the breaking of pride (not to imply He's done with me, nor that I've arrived...) you begin to wonder about that gutter. How different would the experience have been of the Lord's hand being used to lift me up, instead of to knock me down. Hmmm, another thought -- I bet the Lord sees the gutter as a very sacred place. Whatever brings us to the end of self is beautiful in God's eyes, and makes us more beautiful in His eyes as well.

rich in Him

I am not a believer in the prosperity teachings. I do, however, believe that God guides us by consequence and circumstance. When trials seem to stack up in life, I like to seek the Lord for any areas in which I might be out of alignment with His will, any areas of sin I have yet to recognize. Life has been like that... and I've been seeking.

Two weeks ago, I came under conviction regarding money we received for the sale of our company. This money had not yet come out of the corporate account, my thinking was to keep it intact until we know how much of it even ends up being ours. Our plan was to tithe on the money when it technically became ours. The wind-down phase of running a company has held some surprises so far, and I didn't figure we were out of the woods yet. It seemed prudent to keep the sum intact to cover the taxes that would be due from that sum, as well as the final bills from the CPA etc.etc.etc. At one point, my rough estimates seemed as though there would actually be very little remaining after everyone had gotten their piece.

Yet, I desired to be in the Lord's will - we are very aware that He is leading us by the hand through a mine field, and to follow His leading when the circumstances are loud, requires a connection that is not hindered by sin. As I considered the check in my spirit, the realization dawned that if I'm considering "technicalities" - once the sale of the company was closed, the money was "technically" ours - no longer the company's. On further reflection, I realized what we were actually doing was holding back from God until we knew our needs were met, then we'd tithe on what remained. That is not the spirit of tithing. Tithing, as I understand it, is to joyfully trust God to cover my need, as I eagerly offer Him what is acutally His, of what He has given me. Knowing the character of God enables me to trust Him and His purposes for my life. If financial hardship is how I will bring Him the greatest glory, I trust Him for that. If financial blessing is how I bring Him the greatest glory, I trust Him to lead me on that path as well. Either way, I trust Him enough to give Him back His portion before I know if "my" portion will be "enough" to cover my responsibilities... because I know He will provide for what He wants me to do.

So, we tithed on the money from the sale of the company at the beginning of this month. Since then I've been in a whirlwind. Jake and I were prepared for 4 months of job hunting. November began our 4th month. November's anticipated expenses wound up being nearly double what we'd budgeted, because of various unexpected "situations" (aka tests). Since tithing:

• unexpected income came in


• a credit with a company covered one of the bills that unexpectedly increased this month's expenses


• an insurance company decided to pay a claim they initially said was not their responsiblity, decreasing another unexpected expense
  
• an offer was made by a Christian sister (who had no idea any of this was going on) to pay for an expense we were covering for someone else in need


• the Lord provided a stragegy to eliminate a significant portion (most...) of this unexpected expense from an upcoming transaction


• cost saving alternatives were discovered for two significant ongoing expenses


• Jake accepted a job offer yesterday, has orientation today, starts Monday

I just needed to celebrate God's faithfulness by sharing this with you. I have been sharing this journey - not really knowing the destination, trusting that God would bring from it something to strengthen us, encourage us, reveal Himself to us. I am encouraged by these events. And while the journey continues, I sense God's hand very clearly in this story. I am enjoying the nearness of God as He navigates us through the minefield. When times are easy, it seems He can lead from a greater distance - but when the path is treacherous, being led by the hand is necessary. You can't hold His hand from too far away... I am made rich by His nearness.

To God be the glory!

heavenly wisdom

Crater Lake, Oregon

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." James 3:13

Works were God's first revelation of Himself to humanity. Before Adam was molded from the clay of the earth, God created the clay, the earth, the universe and beyond what we have yet to discover. Into this perfect ecosystem, sustained by the will of God, humanity was born. I am one who is continually awestruck by the perfection of nature. When I vacation, I crave the works God -mountains, forests- and my souvenirs tend to be rocks. I am fascinated by the symbiotic
relationships strengthening what on its own, may not survive. Form follows function, function points to purpose, purpose supports an other's need. There are spiritual lessons in tree bark for heaven's sake - God's works are completely fascinating, logical, and utterly perfect. His works reveal His heart, His pure wisdom.

As Christ-followers, our assurance comes from the fruit of our faith - our works. It is through our works that others see Christ. But only our pure works, those done in the humility that comes from wisdom. This heavenly wisdom is described in James 3:17 as: pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Ouch. I am not sure I can point to much work I've accomplished yet birthed from that wisdom. Other's have argued this, but they've not seen the tainted motives of my heart - perhaps a desire to win someones approval, a desire to feel significant... the list is entirely too discouraging to continue. But the list of my tainted motives is not the point - the very fact that I am grieved by the list is fruit... indeed the pure fruit that reveals wisdom from heaven. Part of God's perfect creation is a system that is entirely dependent upon its Savior. The fact that am learning how to rely on my Lord is pleasing to God. The fact that in my own strength I fail - is the way He set the whole thing up. I cannot be pleasing to God in my own strength, or while working my own agenda.

But - - the desire to go beyond working in one's own strength lies in what is to be gained by such pursuit. Onlookers are to be moved to give glory to God for the works they see us perform - as the works of Jesus testified to the authenticity of His ministry. As God's works point to His heart, our works should reflect the heart of God when motivated by heavenly wisdom. Pure...peace-loving....considerate....submissive....full of mercy and good fruit..... impartial... sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness (Jas 3:18). A harvest of righteousness will shine like a beacon to help the lost find their way to the only source of peace under the sun... the Son.

faith must be tested

Alaska, south of Anchorage, near the Kenai Penninsula

Somehow those words create a sense of uneasiness when the season is free and easy. During those seasons, testing is something I infrequently pray for -- aside from those times of intense desire to go deeper with the Lord - after He has cleverly drawn back, in order to lure me closer. In those moments of excruciating need for more of Him, I'll pray the "do what ever it takes" prayer, then hang on tight. But when everything seems to be going just fine, the testing of my faith is something I'd rather do without. However, today I read in an Expository Commentary on John "faith must be tested" - and I nearly jumped for joy. The words provided a ton of consolation to my spirit. After a while in the storm, I start to wonder if God is up to something else - I've searched my heart for any unconfessed sin... done everything I know to do in that area. Our employment situation has caused me to wonder if we could be reaping a harvest from bad seed sown in our business - but my most honest scrutiny consistently proves our business ethics above suspicion or reproach. We've wondered if we heard God wrong about selling the company - putting ourselves out of work in a terrible economy with record unemployment rates.... But after praying, fasting, seeking and awaiting confirmation - if God let us take a wrong turn, I don't know enough about God to get out of bed in the morning. The God I know doesn't try to conceal His will from those who are earnestly seeking it and Him. So we believe that God did indeed lead us to this place. We believe we walked here in obedience. We just expected different scenery when we arrived.... So this morning, when I read the words "faith must be tested" my spirit shouted YES! This is a test... this is only a test... if it were a real emergency I would have been instructed which radio station to tune to for further instructions! YESSS!

no time to loose faith

Lovely Lake Strelna in the Alaskan wilderness.

James 1:2-8

I heard something on the radio this morning that caused my husband and I to nearly gasp in agreement. This local preacher said it something like this: there are two types of storms in your life - those that change your direction and those that refine. Jake and I have been on a stormy faith-walk for about 4 months now - and this path has uprooted nearly everything we had for stability. At this point there are two areas that I celebrate stability in - my relationship with Jake is wonderful, and our decision to not sell our home and move. But everything else... is storm tossed at best. People I love are struggling with very serious issues that demand my help in time and funding, the severe economic storm in Michigan is not helping Jake find work, the cash saved for this time is dwindling, medical issues are growing, we denied a purchase agreement for the opportunity to sell our rental property because of some suspicions it aroused. The early hours are beginning to find me awakening to "what if"? But before anxiety takes root, I reflect on what the Lord has done so far. He clearly led Jake and I to sell our business. The details were orchestrated in such as way so to know that we know... The Lord was clearly directing our path. So now is no time to loose faith. Now is time to celebrate the goodness of God, the faithfulness of our Lord. It is time to cling tenaciously to the Word and The One it reveals. It is time to spend more time on my knees. But instead, I got distracted, and busy. As I tried to brush past this point with a very discerning friend, she cornered me with "you know Dinah, no one can do this for you but you". Once I got past being mad at getting busted by her discernment (it didn't seem fair at the time) I realized how ordained our visit was. How absolutely true and wise her words were. I had fallen into that cycle of being in the Word, but for purposes other than spending time with my Life-Source. I was completing studies, fleshing out concepts, seeking direction. But I was not lingering at the River of Life for the love of the Lord. I was not spending time listening. I was growing dry, and beginning to look to myself for solutions to the myriad situations confronting us. We are in a place in which the Lord is taking us by the hand through a mine-field. Trying to walk by sight now is pointless, and could be dangerous. Knowing better, I tried it anyway! How blessed I am that the Lord knows my need, even when I forget to bring it before Him. He provided the loving rebuke of a trusted friend, whose prayers I could feel the next morning as I dove in, and drank deeply. Now is no time to loose faith, but it is time to stand on it - to allow the Lord to perfect it, to look not to the circumstances but to Him who controls them, and trust that His plan is perfect, right and wise.